I hoped to be writing about fairy tale endings, rainbows and unicorns but you won't find that here today.
We got our Gotcha travel dates on June 26 and traveled on July 4. Those 8 days were filled with so much joy and anticipation at the thought of going to get our girls. Trish and Jamie could not stop smiling. I have not seen much of those smiles since 2 days after we picked the girls up on July 6.
We arrived in Sofia on Thursday the 5th and got right in the car to head to Kardzhali to pick up Vessy on Friday morning and then head right to Vasil Drumev to get Allie Friday afternoon, spend the night in Shumen, then head back to Sofia. We were very excited because we thought we weren't getting Allie until Monday morning so the change in plans got us to our girls sooner. All this went without a hitch, the girls traveled well and we were all together and back in Sofia Saturday afternoon. All was right with the world despite the heat and fatigue.
It was on Sunday that things started going south. Vessy would not eat but we knew going in she was a picky eater and she was taking liquids and staying hydrated so not a major concern yet.
Allie started displaying behaviors that we had not seen to this point either in our first visit or since we had picked her up. The rages began at first after feeding because she did not want to be done even after large portions. They continued with various triggers but mostly centered on feeding and being set down. She wanted to be held continuously facing the person holding her in a bear hug with the person walking around the room. We understood this need from what she had been through but just not physically possible.
These rages continued throughout the week although we did find ways to calm her down as we went through the week. She loved going for walks in the stroller and accepted sitting by me in the chair rather than being carried around. But we were just never sure when she would act out and how bad it would be. It was a very long week and it will take me awhile to forgive myself for putting Jamie through that.
It may have went better if we were prepared for the behavior but there was just no indication. I am convinced Allie's institution had her drugged, either constantly or for our first visit because there would have been no way to hide this for the 15-20 hours we spent with her. I also believe she was abused, either by other kids there or the workers. If you approach her too quickly she throws her hands in front of her face and cringes backwards as if expecting to be hit. We knew this was one set of behaviors we could not handle, both at our age and with the other kids in the house so we were very specific in asking questions about self harming or aggressive behaviors and were assured there were none. I cannot honestly say what we would have done had we known about this prior to committing to Allie at the end of our first trip but I know for sure we would not have brought Jamie on the second trip and put her though that week of hell.
I thought things would improve once we got home and into a routine and they have to a certain degree but the rages continue and Vessy is in the middle of an about 10 day hospital stay and is headed for a G-tube next week. That is one stubborn little girl.
Allie seems happy most of the times but when the rages come on her it is like a different person.
Some behaviors include:
Angry, feral facial expression
Sreaming
Hitting herself (hard) on the legs and head
Pinching her ears, inside her wrists and inner thighs
Pulling her hair
Kicking
Biting
Violently pushing chairs and other furniture
Trying to pull down the drapes
Knocking over or throwing whatever she get her hands on

Triggers are mostly centered now on feeding, attention and shoes, yes shoes. She wants to wear shoes but not ones that fit her. She want to wear Vessy's shoes (way too small) or our shoes (way too big) and she really rages about it.

I will stop for now but if anyone has any ideas, please share.

-Ron